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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?